i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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