Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
