Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
