he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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