so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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