i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
