I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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