I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
