Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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