She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
