He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
