The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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