Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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