my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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