The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
