they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
