He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
