oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
