Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
