Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she looked like the before picture.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
