i think my tv is drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
