Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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