I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
only if we run a train.
done.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
