I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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