he thought i was a dude.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
