I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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