Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
