it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
