she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
