***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
