Who did Billy Mays play for?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
