oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my shit smells like andre
we're making bets on your personal life
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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