oh god the rape fog is back!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
