If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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