At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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