I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
