my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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