I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
