Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
