Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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