I am puke
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
