9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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