I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
