I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
