so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
