Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
