smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
