She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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