she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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