and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
