Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
