Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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